I'm Not Sure Who Flamin' Hot Mountain Dew Is For

Ever since I was a small child, I have been a Diet Coke bitch. Besides the occasional stomach-soothing ginger beer or celebratory Diet Dr. Pepper (my special occasion diet soda), Diet Coke is the only soda I drink with any regularity. (And by “regularity” I mean “at least three a day, even though they give me a…